The Super Freak-Out Meltdown

Today I had what I think would qualify as a first-time mom, super freak-out meltdown.

Each morning when Freyja wakes up for the day, I also wake up. I get up, put a long pillow between her and the side of the bed which isn’t against the wall so she doesn’t roll out while I’m gone, and go into the bathroom to prepare her morning milk. I can see her from the bathroom, so I watch her play and listen to her babble from the doorway. When I come back into the room, I hand her the cup, she starts drinking it, and while she gradually wakes up and drinks, I slowly let light into the room, ending with the window next to the bed. By this time she’s done drinking, and I take the cup out of her hand, replacing it with her pacifier, and then I change her diaper. We do the same thing each morning. It's our little routine, at least for now....

Well, this morning…I opened the curtains, and then I reached over to take the cup…and when I do, I look down to see the most enormous, liquid-filled blister on Freyja’s middle finger on her right hand that I have ever seen! I am not exaggerating. This thing was huge. It was easily the size of her thumb, and as long as the space between the base her finger and the second joint. Huge.

I immediately scooped her up, went downstairs, and grandma was on the phone to Freyja’s pediatrician in a nanosecond. It was literally minutes before we were all dressed and in the car, on the way to the doctor. Here I am, crying in the backseat, trying to figure out for the life of me what could have caused this insanely huge blister. She was completely normal when she went to bed! She hadn’t eaten or touched anything new the day or night before! She hadn’t touched anything hot which could have pinched, burned and/or blistered her. Even though she has been sick, she never had a fever. I just couldn’t figure it out. I just kept going through the day and hours before, thinking that something should be coming to me, but nothing made sense.

When we got to the doctor’s office, her pediatrician was clueless. He said he’d seen nothing like it. He called in one of his partners, an allergist who’d been a physician for 20 years. He said he’d also never seen anything like that on an infant. They both agreed it didn’t look like a burn or a contact allergy, and sent us to a dermatologist. While they were examining her, the blister finally broke from the immense amount of pressure, which of course made me freak. It looked so bad…

The dermatologist’s diagnosis? It was an insect bite. I said that this had been discussed at the pediatrician’s office, but that the area lacked puncture marks, which led them to believe that it couldn’t be an insect bite. The dermatologist said that certain mites and spiders leave what are called “blistering bites” which have no punctures. He said that a blister this large was unusual and probably just a one-time, strange reaction. He assured me that it would be fine, would heal normally, and probably never happen again.

Then it hit me. Yesterday we brought in some wood and used the fireplace because the furnace was on the fritz, and Freyja was playing in the same room. Is it possible that a bug was hanging out in a piece of the wood, and it somehow made its way over to her?

Regardless, I freaked, at least on the inside. Although I did cry, I somehow managed not to have a complete breakdown in front of her. She’s always been very aware of my emotions, and she can sense when I’m upset or nervous, which leads to her being upset or nervous, even if it's really no big deal to her. Since she seemed pretty calm and cool and in no pain over the whole thing, I wanted to try and keep her in a good mood.

I realize that this whole freaking out thing when your child is sick, in pain, sad, you name it...is normal. I mean, what kind of parent with any heart doesn't feel like that? For me, one of the worst experiences is taking Freyja to the health department for her vaccinations, because I know her little giggly demeanor and goofy smile will soon turn into crying, tears of pain, and a look of distrust, aimed at me, because I'm the horrible, mean mommy who took her there and let those awful people touch her. I can only imagine how I'll feel when she falls and skins her knees, has to have stitches, or has her heart broken by some evil boyfriend. But, somewhere along the line I'm going to have to perfect my talents at holding in some of my own emotions so I can help her to be brave and strong.

Still, I feel like I did okay, at least on the outside…which is what really matters...at least for now.

A Thousand Words

I love these images. To me, they represent so many different things.

For instance, they say something about the weather. We haven't had much of a Spring in the way of warm weather for outside play. Although the trees and flowers seem to be blooming, the air is quite cool and the sun only comes out here and there. There's also been a lot of rain. We haven't been spending a whole lot of time outdoors, and we've been doing a lot of looking out the window. Shouldn't we be laying on blankets at the park in sundresses, sipping lemonade? I think so.

The other thing I love about these images is that the cat is in them, in her ever-increasing capacity as Freyja's sidekick. I've never seen a cat be so loyal and patient. In the third photo, you can even see that Freyja is holding onto her tail...something that cats aren't usually too fond of...and she doesn't even seem to mind. It's pretty neat, really.

Another aspect I love? Freyja's hair. It's so wild and fuzzy. When I look back on her at this age, I won't ever forget that downy, soft, crazy hair. It's part of what makes her so cute and quirky.

And something else these photos capture...this window. It's the one next to the bed that Freyja and I sleep in, and the view we see from it each morning when we look out. It's also the window where sunlight comes in as she naps, and where the moonlight comes in while she dreams. As she gets older, she becomes more and more interested in what goes on outside of it. Freyja's little world just keeps getting larger, and this window has become a symbol of that. She looks so contemplative in the first picture. I wonder what she's thinking about?

The last photo also shows the dress Freyja's wearing from the front, which I made especially for her. I designed and made the dress with no pattern, with just an idea in my mind and the fabrics I had chosen to work with. I hand-stitched the flowered trim on, all the way around the bottom, and also embroidered around the front pocket to match. It's really special to me because it took a long time, was made with a lot of love, and was the first article of clothing I ever made for her.

Lastly, they show that Freyja is becoming more independent. She's been pretty serious about perfecting her standing, and she just keeps getting better and better at it. Before I know it, she'll be walking!

Where Have You Been?

I've been MIA on the blog front for a while now. What can I say? At first, things just became busy. I started listing a lot of Freyja's clothes and other items which she no longer fits in, uses, or that I'm not keeping for posterity on Ebay...which has taken up a lot of time...and is still pretty time consuming. We've also been sick for about the last week. When I say "we", I mean grandma, Adrienne, and Freyja...and when I say "sick", I mean with the most evil of all flu-like sicknesses with all of the colorful symptoms one can imagine. So, we've all been trying to get better, but it's been slow-going. Otherwise, there's one other thing which has been keeping me a little bit more busy than usual, but I'll go into that a bit more in a future blog posting.